April 17, 2006…early morning Hawaii time, I receive a phone call from my best friend, Beka. She is on her way to see her doctor. She is 7 months pregnant with her 3rd child.
“He’s not moving. I haven’t felt him move for a few days. I’m sure everything is fine. But I just need to know.”
Naively, I suggest she drinks some orange juice to get some sugar in to her and hopefully him, so he will start moving around and stop making her worrying.
Forty-five minutes later I receive a phone call that changed our lives forever. He is gone. Owen’s heart has stopped beating. Through tears she tells me how the doctors checked and checked again, and again, but his little heart is no longer beating. How could this be? Friday, at her 32 week check up, he was perfectly fine. Normal heart beat and vital signs. Growing according to schedule. And now, three days later, he is gone.
April 18, 2006, Beka delivered a beautiful, 2lb 15oz baby boy. Owen Luke. Perfect in every way. Looking just like his brothers. I received a phone call from her about 4:30 am, with all of the details, and to this day her voice still haunts me. The shock and exhaustion, the grief and utter loss could be heard in her voice. Her sister, a fellow photographer, came in and took photos for them. They had decided not to bring their other two sons up to the hospital, not knowing what kind of effect it would have on them at their age. The photos that were taken of Owen would allow the boys to see their baby brother. To this day, these images of Owen are some of the family’s most prized possessions.
Photo Credit, Judith Brock
Who knew the loss of Owen, along with my own sister losing her daughter Ella, and my cousin losing her son, Chase, before full term, would bring me to this moment in my life. I am now an Affiliated Photographer with an amazing organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. NILMDTS is a nonprofit organization that began when Mike and Cheryl Haggard invited Sandy Puc to come in and take photos of their son, Maddux, before they took him off life support. Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, was created by Cheryl and Sandy in April of 2005, and now has over 11,000 volunteers, in over 40 different countries.
When a baby has passed away, or is expected to pass away, we receive a phone call from the hospital. One of the affiliated photographers (we have 3 on the island of Oahu, along with an assistant to the photographer) will go to the hospital and take photos of the newborn with their family. Infant Remembrance Photography is such an incredible experience for each one of us involved. Each of these sessions are unique. Each family grieves differently. Other than the solemn and respectful atmosphere, I never know what to expect until I step into the room with the family. It is such an intimate experience for me personally. Sharing such an emotional, often times private experience with complete strangers. And for this very reason, I felt the need to write this blog post.
There is no correct way to grieve. No correct way to say good-bye. Cry. Not cry. Shout. Scream. Retreat. Celebrate the life of the child. Pray. No one understands all of the whys. A beautiful, otherwise perfect baby, lays in his mother’s arms as a tear falls down her cheek…she will always be his mother. He will always be her son. But there is no correct way to say goodbye to a child you carried inside of you.
The week before Christmas, I received a call that a little boy had passed away. As I entered the room at the hospital, it was full of family members. Siblings of the little boy. Parents. Grandparents. Great-Grandma. Cousins. Aunts and Uncles. There was a lot of chatting. Light humor amongst the kids. Smiles and joy. As I set up to take the photos, I could see this precious little boy being lovingly kissed and snuggled by his father. His big sisters wanted kisses too, and as dad leaned down to share their baby brother, one of the girls came over and told me,
“He’s with Jesus, you know. He is going to have so much fun. We don’t get to take him home with us, but isn’t he cute?”
At that point, for the first time ever during one of these sessions, I had to step out of the room. The level of acceptance and hope in the room was incredible. The joy and peace that each of these family members had during this time was beyond words. I honestly can’t even do justice with my own words as to my experience with this family. As the session went on, there was laughter and singing and the occasional tear. Yes, they grieved the loss of their son, brother, grandson, cousin and nephew, but they had a hope and peace that is beyond all understanding. Until this time, I had never felt this during one of these sessions.
As the session came to an end, Great-Grandma asked if they could all gather around and bless the little boy. As she held him, they prayed, sang, and recited bible verses, it was evident that this tiny little baby was very much loved and will forever be a part of his family. He will always be his mother and father’s eldest son. He will always be his sister’s little brother. He will always be loved. His time here with them was simply that, fleeting time. But his memory will live forever.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you to this amazing family for showing me such grace and hope. It has forever changed my heart. (Images used with permission of family)
